* From Death to Life, Darkness to Light *

I do not know who or what your "god" is, but I am going to boast about my God - JESUS CHRIST- the One and Only True God!!!

 
I would like to share a little about my life 7 1/2 years ago...

7 1/2 years ago, I was on my deathbed. Literally. I was hardcore bulimic for 7 years. I was a total prescription drug addict- uppers, downers, inners, outers, whatever. Growing up I was told by doctors, therapists, and psychiatrists that I had every psychological problem there was. I was finally drugged out of my right mind beginning at age 12, and after spending years in and out of psych wards and eating disorder facilities, I was encouraged to file for mental disability by age 19. There was always something wrong with me, and there was always a new pill to fix it, If not, stealing would. Food would. Sex would. Shopping would. Going to my Catholic church on Sunday's would. Smoking blunts to my head would. I was a pack a day smoking alcoholic. I was promiscuous and proud. I was arrested 3 times. I was raped when I was 19, ended up pregnant, and had an abortion as I was convinced that it wasn't a real baby, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with it. By 20, Adderall finally became my best friend, and I became a brilliant superwoman who desperately wanted to know what the truth of life was, and desperately wanted to know God. I was drawn right into the "god" of the Law of Attraction, New Age / Bhuddism / Hinduism / meditation / you are your own god mish-mosh messy mix of lies. All of this new knowledge, books upon books of it, mixed with legal crack in a pill, and an ability to go to different realms in my mind and even astroproject became my "enlightenment." It became my drug. I trained my mind through meditation, chants, and drugs, which was really just a form of witchcraft, to get what I wanted in life, and to "know God." And it worked. Or so I thought. I wanted to sing. I wanted to have a clothing line. And I wanted to have eating disorder facilities. Within a month, I was signed with a record label doing hip-hop and reggaetone, designing my line of clothing, and unknowingly heading straight down the path to sell my soul to the devil.
 
After six months of this, I realized I had never asked God what He wanted. Genuinely wanting to know God and always having a love for Him, one day I said "God, I want YOUR will for my life, not mine. I want what you want for me. I just want peace and love and joy, and whatever You want." It was here that all of a sudden I seemed to stop "growing" and learning. It wasn't long until I hated who I was becoming, and I just wanted God. I hated the role I was playing, the masks I was wearing, and I just wanted to be free to be me. I just wanted freedom! I just wanted peace and joy and love, and to know who I was. Free from drugs and sex and all this garbage the world was sucking me into. I felt so trapped and unloved and so alone. I felt like I was running a pointless race and killing myself while I was at it. Life was just empty, no matter what I did or how much I did.
 
Exactly a year after my God-seeking journey began, everything changed. One night, 7 1/2 years ago, after days of feeling like my body wasn't going to last much longer, fear consumed me, and I felt something I never would have expected in a million years, I knew that I was about to die, and while lying in bed, I felt burning hot flames of fire underneath me. I felt literal flames! I KNEW I was going to hell! I COULD FEEL IT! I knew I was about to die, and I was scared out of my mind because I was about to go to hell! How could this be?? I ALWAYS loved God! I was a Catholic school girl! I spent the last year seeking God through New Age, and Buddhism, and meditation and reading and following all these "brilliant" gurus and even going to expensive retreats across the country to get closer to God, and I thought I knew Him! I thought I had found the answers and the truth! So what is this GOD?? How is this happening to me?? I'M A GOOD PERSON AND I LOVE YOU!!! Why do I FEEL and KNOW I am going to HELL?!?!?!?! HELP ME!!!!!
 
By the grace of God I awoke the next morning. I continued my daily addict routine. Popped my Adderall and the rest of my pills, poured my espresso coffee, smoked my morning cigs out on my deck. Went to work, went to the recording studio, got high, went to have free drinks at the bar my boyfriend at the time bartended at. All the while, completely freaking out inside. Knowing I was about to die. Not knowing what I could do, and not having anyone who could help me. So I went outside to have a cigarette and talk to God. I was standing out front looking at the stars and I said, "God, I love you. I thought I knew you. I am about to die! I am scared! I need help! I need you to save me! PLEASE SAVE ME!"
 
Just then a young man walked up to me. I told him to leave me alone because I was talking to God. He asked me about God. I said, "well God is light, and God is love, and what you believe you receive," and yada yada yada. Surely he didn't know more than I did. He couldn't possibly teach me anything I didn't already know. To my unenthusiastic and uninterested surprise, this young man had a Bible. I had never read it, and I never wanted to. (I was 21 and ignorant). How could it be written by God? It was written by men. And it's old. And if you are going to tell me I'm a sinner I already know that. I didn't ask to be born into this world. And I don't want to hear it. But when He asked me if I wanted to know who God really was, I just knew He knew something I didn't. He had something I didn't. Something I needed. He opened up to the Gospel of John. He read it to me. He taught me about Jesus. About what Jesus really did for me on that cross. How He died for me to forgive me, and how "If I confess with my mouth and believe in my heart that Jesus is God and that He was raised from the dead, I WOULD BE SAVED!" EXACTLY WHAT I HAD JUST ASKED GOD TO DO JUST MINUTES BEFORE!!! He taught me about how my spirit was dead but Jesus would bring me to life. He taught me about the Holy Spirit, and how I could ask Him to come into my heart, and how he would change me and heal me and teach me all things.
 
He then asked me if I wanted to know what was really going on in the world, and He opened to the Book of Revelation. For the first time in my life, I KNEW THE TRUTH, and EVERYTHING made sense. I was ALL in 100%. I finally found Truth! Or more like Truth found me!! My life forever changed. This Catholic school rebel girl had absolutely no idea what Jesus really did for me on that cross. I had no idea my spirit was dead, even though I felt it all day everyday and should have known. I tried everything I could to make it come alive, not even knowing that is what I was doing!
I would now like to tell you about my life now... 7 1/2 years later. I have no idea who that girl is. She is a foreigner to me. Jesus became her best friend. Jesus took that girl, and set her free from everything. Jesus healed that girl from head to toe. Jesus gave her a new mind and a new heart. Jesus made that girl pure. Jesus gave that girl life and life abundantly. Jesus gave that girl love for people she never thought she could possibly have. And Jesus gave that girl his precious Holy Spirit, who is her best friend. The One who teaches her everything, and guides her in all things. The One who has grown and matured her, teaching her understanding, wisdom, and discernment. And the One who connects her to Her Perfect and Precious Father, in a constant and beautiful communication and relationship with Him that NOTHING and NO ONE in this world can compete with or compare to!!! JESUS IS HER EVERYTHING!!!
 
Please understand that what I am about to say is not in pride, but in humble confidence of who my God is, and what He is about to do in and through my life. Now, in these final days, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, are about to use this once utter failure and disgrace of a girl, as a purified and powerful woman of God, who by His Spirit will spread His love and bring light and hope and life to people all over the world. Passion for Vision, is an incredible organization that He is building to help impoverished young girls and orphans, so they will never have to go through what I, and so many of us, had to go through. So they can know that they are not orphans, that they are not alone, and that they have a Father that loves them perfectly. So much that He sent His only Son to die for them to know this love, and then sent His Holy Spirit to live in them and be with them always.And then He randomly decided to send me, a once sheltered and spoiled American girl who should be dead, with a vision and plan that came straight from Him, to transform their precious lives, so that they never have to end up the way I did, or worse.
 
I cannot even express in words how much I love Him and how thankful I am that He not only saved my life, but transformed me completely, and gives me the honor of actually being able to represent Him. In no way does it make sense. I am nothing. But He tells me I mean everything to Him. And in Him and through Him I can do anything, because with God, all things are possible. It is so incredible that He desires to use each one of us to bring Him Glory! That He completely forgives us and then actually wants to use us to be a part of His glorious works in the earth! How awesome that if we are willing to be used by Him to bring him honor and glory, we will be used! What a Mighty and Passionately Loving God we have! What an awesome Dad!!!
 
And this God, OUR GOD, loves each one of us so perfectly and unconditionally. I have never said anything like this on Facebook, but tonight I just had to. The days are evil, and the time is short. BUT OUR GOD IS AWESOME!!! If you do not know Him personally, I would encourage you to ask Jesus into your heart and life. What better time than now?? Why wait? Because the truth is- JESUS IS THE TRUTH! Jesus is the answer you are looking for. He is what and who you have always been searching for. Jesus is the satisfaction you need. Jesus fills the void you can't ever seem to fill. Jesus has ALL the power to transform and set you free by His precious blood that He shed for us. And Jesus has ALL authority over the darkness, which he freely gives to each one of us, that we may live powerful and victorious lives!
 
All we have to do is accept it. TO ACCEPT HIM! And only then does LIFE, and ETERNAL LIFE, really begin...
 

"If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."
-Romans 10:9
 
"Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."
-John 14:6
 
"And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal."
-Matthew 25:46
 
"And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire."
-Revelation 20:15
 
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
-Jeremiah 29:11
 
I KNOW MY NAME IS WRITTEN IN THE BOOK OF LIFE. WHO KNOWS WHEN YOURS OR MY LAST BREATH WILL BE BUT GOD? MAY WE ALL COME TO KNOW OUR BEAUTIFUL LORD AND SAVIOR WHO GAVE EVERYTHING FOR US, THAT WE MAY TRULY LIVE HERE ON THIS EARTH WITH A NEW LIFE AND A PURPOSE, AND KNOW THAT OUR NAMES ARE WRITTEN IN HIS BOOK OF LIFE FOREVER AND EVER, THAT NOTHING CAN SEPARATE US FROM HIS LOVE, AND THAT WE ARE SAVED!!!

HALLELUJAH THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"God rescued us from dead-end alleys and dark dungeons. He’s set us up in the kingdom of the Son he loves so much, the Son who got us out of the pit we were in, got rid of the sins we were doomed to keep repeating. We look at this Son and see the God who cannot be seen. We look at this Son and see God’s original purpose in everything created. For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, rank after rank after rank of angels—everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him. He was there before any of it came into existence and holds it all together right up to this moment...

He was supreme in the beginning and—leading the resurrection parade—he is supreme in the end. From beginning to end he’s there, towering far above everything, everyone. So spacious is he, so roomy, that everything of God finds its proper place in him without crowding. Not only that, but all the broken and dislocated pieces of the universe—people and things, animals and atoms—get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmonies, all because of his death, his blood that poured down from the cross.

You yourselves are a case study of what he does. At one time you all had your backs turned to God, thinking rebellious thoughts of him, giving him trouble every chance you got. But now, by giving himself completely at the Cross, actually dying for you, Christ brought you over to God’s side and put your lives together, whole and holy in his presence. You don’t walk away from a gift like that! You stay grounded and steady in that bond of trust, constantly tuned in to the Message, careful not to be distracted or diverted. THERE IS NO OTHER MESSAGE- JUST THIS ONE. Every creature under heaven gets this same Message...
This mystery has been kept in the dark for a long time, but now it’s out in the open. God wanted everyone... to know this rich and glorious secret inside and out, regardless of their background, regardless of their religious standing. The mystery in a nutshell is just this: Christ is in you, so therefore you can look forward to sharing in God’s glory. IT'S THAT SIMPLE. That is the substance of our Message. We preach Christ... We teach in a spirit of profound common sense so that we can bring each person to maturity. To be mature is to be basic. CHRIST! NO MORE, NO LESS. That’s what I’m working so hard (to share this Message) day after day, year after year, doing my best with the energy God gives me.

I want you woven into a tapestry of love, in touch with everything there is to know of God. Then you will have minds confident and at rest, focused on Christ, God’s great mystery. All the richest treasures of wisdom and knowledge are embedded in that mystery and nowhere else. And we’ve been shown the mystery! I’m telling you this because I don’t want anyone leading you off on some wild-goose chase, after other so-called mysteries, or “the Secret.”...

Everything of God gets expressed in him, so you can see and hear him clearly. You don’t need a telescope, a microscope, or a horoscope to realize the fullness of Christ, and the emptiness of the universe without him. When you come to him, that fullness comes together for you, too. His power extends over everything...

When you were stuck in your old sin-dead life, you were incapable of responding to God. God brought you alive—right along with Christ! Think of it! All sins forgiven, the slate wiped clean, that old arrest warrant canceled and nailed to Christ’s cross. He stripped all the spiritual tyrants in the universe of their sham authority at the Cross and marched them naked through the streets...

Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is YOUR REAL LIFE—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. HE IS YOUR LIFE."

-Colossians 1-3

The Battle of the Soul

"It is THE SPIRIT who GIVES LIFE;
THE FLESH PROFITS NOTHING.
The words that I speak to you are Spirit, and they are life."
- John 6:63

 

The story leading into this Word that the Lord gave me begins with a Facebook post I recently made. The Lord was giving me a corrective and profound personal Word that was very anointed, and He was planting it deep in me. Right in the middle of this, my phone that I had right next to me rang twice and almost broke the anointing. Shortly after, I thought it was such a deep and powerful revelation that I became incredibly eager to share it! So right at the end of him downloading it to me, instead of continuing my meditation on it and prayer, I came on Facebook. I came on to alerts and inbox messages, and became completely distracted. I broke the anointing entirely, just as God was burning the Word, and the power and anointing to walk it out it into me! I could feel it, and it was not a good feeling at all. I began to wonder and feel like maybe I was posting it out of my soul's own desire to satisfy my flesh in some way, instead of by the leading of His Spirit, and that is why I was having all of these emotions and inner turmoil. But I wasn't entirely sure. I asked Him, but instead of waiting on Him for a clear answer, I decided to just post it. To be honest, I had a strong feeling that is exactly what I was doing, but I thought it was just too good not to share! And what could be the harm in sharing revelation of God's Word anyway?
 
By the end of putting the post together, the anointing was completely gone. And I knew it. It was a total defeat. And so I had been praying and asking Him for more clarity about it for the rest of the evening and the entire following day. It was frustrating that because of this post, I couldn't even get back into the Spirit the following morning, and I knew that was the reason. After learning to walk and grow in the Spirit for many years, I realized that I came very close to aborting the revelation he was giving me and it's power to produce the change in my life and heart that it was intended to. I also realized that even though it was good, His anointing was not released with it. And without the anointing it is completely pointless and ineffective.

No anointing= No power.

So I repented and said, "I am so sorry Father! Do you want me to take it down?" I waited for hours for an answer. Many uncomfortable and restless hours. I was chastised by Him for more than half of the following day because He wouldn't let me get in His Spirit enough to be calm and at peace. It was totally a time-out! Finally, after I prayed in repentance again and asked Him to speak to me and teach me about all that was going on in my soul, He began to speak to me and give me some wonderful revelation. This is what He said:


"If you want the world, I will give you the world. If you want My Spirit, I will give you My Spirit. You cannot have both. The choice is yours...

Beloved, I have called you to a life of consecration to Me. The more doors you choose to open in your life, the greater the distractions will be, the more spirits will have access to you and to your soul, and the more demand will be on you to steal you away from Me. You must use discretion- always. Many things may seem good, but not everything is profitable. And I want you to profit in everything! Your time with Me, your intimacy with Me, your connection with Me, and your Oneness with Me is more important than anything or anyone, and is the greatest treasure and life you could ever have. It is the pearl of great price. Your commitment to living a consecrated life to Me is the most profitable investment you could ever make. It will produce the life of my Son in you in great measures, and grow in you a sharp sensitivity and keen discernment to the leading of my Spirit. It will allow you to be led by My voice every single moment, every single step. The sacrifice is great, the work is hard, but the results are worth it.

Everything has a cause and effect. Everything you sow you will reap. Anything and everything that is done by your soul to satisfy your flesh in any way will produce impure soulful results and increase impurity in your soul and in your life. This will cause much confusion, resulting in many actions by your flesh, because your soul is more easily swayed to go the way it is used to going for most of your life- to your flesh and to the world.  And yes, this is sin. Sin is "missing the mark." If you steer off my path out of your own will, you have missed the path that I have marked out for you, and that path is in My Spirit. On the other hand, anything and everything that is done by and led by My Spirit will produce and increase My Spirit and the fruit of My Spirit in your life, and where My Spirit lives and reigns there is freedom. Freedom from your flesh and sinful nature. Freedom from the control and influence of others. Freedom from your emotions and your soul demanding to be fed, demanding to be satisfied, and demanding to have it's own way.

Your soul is in the balance. Your soul is your mind, will, and emotions. Your soul is your heart. Your soul is where you choose what and whom you will worship. Your soul has the choice, by the free will I have given you, to choose to go one of two ways. It can worship and bow to your flesh and it's desires and sin, or it can choose to worship and submit to my Spirit. Again, the choice is yours. But the double-minded man who, out of his own will and soul, chooses to go back and forth from Spirit to flesh is unstable in all His ways. He will receive nothing from Me, because everything for life and godliness is in My Spirit, where you must be to receive. Whom My Son has set free is free indeed, but only where My Spirit is, is there freedom. You  must choose to rule over your soul, to govern it, to bring it into submission to My Spirit, and to reside and abide in the freedom that is there.

It is only by My Spirit and My anointing that you will truly be effective. Remember, in the end, anything not done by My Spirit will be burned up, no matter how good, loving, and pure-intentional it may have been. Make it your priority to remain in Me and in My Spirit. It is here that your destiny lies, and here that it shall be fulfilled.

I chose you because you have what it takes. Because with My love and power, and your love and devotion, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE."

 
"' I have the right to do anything," you say- but not everything is beneficial (profitable)."
- 1 Corinthians 6:12

"The Kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it."
- Matthew 13:47
 
"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."
- 2 Corinthians 3:17
 
"For in Him we live and move and have our being."
- Acts 17:28

"His divine power has given us everthing we need for life and godliness."
- 2 Peter 1:3
 
"So if the Son sets you free, you are free indeed."
- James 8:36
 
"You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh...Walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with eachother, so that you are not to do whatever you want..."
- Galatians 5:13-17
 
"Do not be deceived, God is not mocked: for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap."
- Galatians 6:7
 
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me (in the Spirit) and I in you, you will bear much fruit (the fruit of the Spirit that will grow in your soul); apart from me (in your own soul and flesh) you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me (in the Spirit), you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire (the purifying fire of God) and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you (because you will be asking by the Spirit in accordance to God's perfect will and not by your soul and your own self-will, and you will be in correct alignment to receive it). This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."
- John 15:5-8
 
"See, I have set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to Him, and to keep His commands...then you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land (of the Kingdom of God- the Holy Spirit) you are entering to possess. But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods (self, money, sex, religion, world, etc.) and worship them, I declare to you this day that you will most certainly be destroyed (your soul will be full of curses, demonic spirits, roots, soul ties, unforgiveness, etc.). You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess (The Spirit- the anointing. You will not be able to handle it, contain it, or walk in the anointing because it will be a consuming fire that will burn up everything in you that is not of God. Hence why "blessed are the PURE in heart (soul) for they shall see God.")...
 
This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to His voice, and hold fast to Him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers...(the Kingdom of God- the Holy Spirit).
- Deuteronomy 30:15-20
 
"Now what I am commanding you today is not beyond too difficult for you or beyond your reach. It is not up in heaven, so that you have to ask, 'Who will ascend to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey?' Nor is it beyond the sea, so that you have to ask, 'Who will cross the sea to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?' No, the Word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart (soul) so you may obey it (You just have to choose to do so)."
- Deuteronomy 30:11-14
 
"Those who live according to the flesh have their minds (souls) set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance to the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind (soul) governed by the flesh is death, but the mind (soul) governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind (soul) governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God."
- Romans 8:5-8

"Choose this day whom you will serve."
- Joshua 24:15